How to spot a "show don't tell" violation

More revisions?  Like to find those areas you could improve, like searching for the word "was"?


Search for any narration that includes distance.  Words like "about", "miles", "feet", "yards".


These are boring descriptions that leave the reader trying to imagine what 100 yards really looks like.  Ever notice how many times people refer to football fields when talking about distance?  It's because we can visualize a football field. 

About is usually a dead give away, unless you're describing what something is about.  And again, it's ok for characters to use this, as people do this all the time, but the narrator shouldn't.  It's just boring, because we're not interested in metrics or area or what have you. 

For Example:

The road stretched for about two miles ahead of us.  First of all, I can't visualize two miles, because even in the flattest heartland of Kansas, you may not be able to actually see two miles.  But regardless, this is boring.  The road stretched out ahead of us until it shrank into itself on the horizon gives you a better visualization.  When Andy Dufrane crawled through a half-mile of the foulest smelling shit you could think of, Stephen King made sure we knew that was "five and half football fields". 

That's a long way.

If something is about a hundred yards away, you could say the person of interest was so far away they appeared slightly larger than my thumb.  Or Jim Lovell used to block out the moon with the tip of his thumb, indicating how far away something that big was.

How deep is the ocean?  Don't answer in miles.  Someone going two miles below the surface of the ocean is hard to visualize.  Someone going so deep in the ocean that the sun, without a single cloud to block it, vanished like God had pulled the string and clicked it off, is in pretty deep. 

A little flowery, I know, but you get the point.  Watch for places where your narrator is telling us about distances and you'll find plenty of gold pieces you just need to dust off.

So?  Go get crackin' and WRITE ON!

Search for the WAS

How to find weak writing in your manuscript?  Search for the word WAS.


Most of the time, as I'm going through my book, I find this word describing something, which is the antithesis to the "Show, don't tell" mantra.  It definitely tells, most of the time.


When I find it, usually there are three things that are happening:

1. I'm being lazy, and can beef up the action verb more.  "The sun was setting", for example, versus "the setting sun exploded color...". The verb went from "was" to "exploded" which is much more engaging.
2. I'm using the passive voice.  Never good.  "The building was blown up by the militants" instead of "the militants destroyed the building".  Again, a more exciting action verb.
3. I'm trying to use a metaphor, but again, being lazy:  "she looked at me like I was crazy" as opposed to "she stared at me like my head had just sprung open and butterflies flew out". 

HOWEVER, there are times when I keep the WAS in.

1. In dialogue.  Yes, it's not as exciting, but that's how people speak.  Take any of the three items above and put quotes around it, and you've just made your teen sound like a Harvard grad.
2. When it's require for past-perfect tense.  Like when a character is rehashing an event prior to the one they're in, or when they're remembering something.  "I remember he was running down the corridor" is perfectly ok because it's part of the past perfect tense. 

So I'm searching through my manuscript now and every time I see a "was" I look for these different items.  This is when the rubber meets the road, where your writing skills are really tested.  This is where an author could spend an hour on a single sentence.  This is what separates the pros from the unpublished.  So get searching, and

WRITE ON!

Decisions, Decisions.

I got an offer from Permuted Publishing!  A three book deal for Under a Broken Sun, which is pretty exciting!

So why am I not bouncing off the walls?

Because I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!

Is it a good offer?  A bad offer?  What do I look for when signing my rights away?

The challenge of being a self-published author.

I'm searching for agents, but if you go to an agent with a publisher in hand, they're less likely to work with you, especially if it's a smaller niche publisher like Permuted (they are strictly post-apocalytpic).  Plus an agent knows the big boys - Simon & Schuster, etc, which means bigger advances.

In other words, I don't want to jump at the first person expressing interest.

BUT, do I risk turning them down just to have them disappear?  And then maybe never get another offer again?

WHAT TO DO!?!?

Leave advice via the comments.  It's free, and will be taken as such.  :)

Oh well.  Book 2 calls.  WRITE ON!

The key to overcoming writer's block is...

...to stop writing.

No, I don't mean forever.  There wouldn't be any writers left in the world if we did that.  No, I mean, don't stare at your screen or typewriter (for you hipster writers) "trying" to write.  Stop.  Step away from the computer.

It's ok.

Now, that's all well and good, but how do you get back on track?  Well, in my experience writer's block usually comes from an uncertain direction forward.  What now?  What plot point can I throw in?  What's the subplot?  How can I move the story forward?

Screaming is a good place to start.

This happened to me on the bus the other day whilst writing Under a Broken Sun II - Mammoth Caves.  The hero's group pulled off the main road for the night, into a barn.  They split up, some to check out the farm house to see if anyone was alive there, some to get wood.  Some stayed in the barn to start a warming fire.

And then....

......uh.....

....um.....

Yeah, I got nothin'

So, what did I do?  Well, I happen to have a playlist of songs that are the "soundtrack" to my story.  I listen to them in random order, over 150 songs, when I write.  When I'm blocked?  I stop writing, and start listening.

I closed my eyes (all on the bus, remember), listened to the soundtrack, and put myself in the scene.  It's cold.  Biting cold.  The three men go out to cut wood.  So they have axes.  They talk about the previous scene.  Danger.  Need danger.  What's dangerous about being in the middle of trees with no electricity and cold?  Not hypothermia.  To easy to avoid.  Not in-fighting, doesn't suit the characters.  I watched the movie in my head.  And suddenly -

- there was a growling.  Slow.  Deep.  Then another.  A guttural harmony.  

Block avoided.  I won't tell you what happens because then you won't buy the book figuring you already know it all, but suffice to say, I was off and running again.

So to get over your writer's block, stop writing, start listening, start observing.  Go into your story.  However you can, however you choose to do it, close your eyes, and BE there.

And then?

WRITE ON!

And your story will hug you.